Fatherhood?
by WiEGoP
Summary: Seaspray tries to come to terms with the news that he will soon be a father. Then the unexpected happens. K for some obtuse references to frolicking. Set after my earlier story "A Night At Sea." Seaspray/Alana.
1. Fatherhood?

If Seaspray had been more withdrawn or introspective the past couple weeks, no one but Bumblebee and maybe Cosmos noticed it. Not that this was particularly surprising. Though generally well liked, at least respected, by the other Autobots the little Naval Tactician had little in common with his landlubber comrades. Seaspray's abilities in the water, and deficits on land, meant he was almost constantly on ocean patrol alone. He had little time to socialize, and would probably not have confided in anyone if he'd had the opportunity. Deep down the brave little Autobot was insecure: about his size, about his clumsiness, about his feelings, about his voice. But he was also proud, so he kept his insecurities to himself and his friends at an amiable arm's length. Of all the Autobots he was probably closest to Bumblebee who was everyone's friend, and Cosmos who like Seaspray had a clumsy robot mode and abilities that forced him to patrol alone most of the time. He hadn't told either of them Alana's news.

He was still trying to wrap his processor around it himself. All the while wrestling with the feeling that he should tell someone what had happened; definitely that he should tell Optimus Prime what had happened. He _had_ to tell Optimus Prime what had happened, what was happening. Private person though he was, keeping something like this a secret from the leader of the Autobots was wrong. And there was always the chance that news like this would bring more leave time. More than anything else in the universe right now Seaspray longed for more leave time.

The little Autobot rested his yellow chin in his fat blue hand, and kicked idly at the little red stones that littered the ground at his feet. From where he sat on a rotting tree stump he could see through the midnight darkness the yellowish glow of the entrance of Autobot Headquarters. Coming in from patrol earlier that evening the thought had suddenly struck him that if he was ever going to tell Prime his news, _this_ would probably be the best time since he had to give his patrol report to the Autobot Leader anyway. He'd spent the last few hours sitting on this log, his mind wandering aimlessly, unable to come to a decision; mulling over Alana's news over and over again.

_I'm going to be a father._ Seaspray thought. That was really the only thought on his mind, and had been the only thought on his mind for two weeks. He hadn't been able to absorb that fact fully yet, and so he hadn't been able to move beyond it. It had just played over and over, each time bringing with it an entirely different set of emotions, from joy to sadness to fear and back to joy again, all tinged with a strong dose of confusion.

Okay, he knew _how_ it had happened. He'd been there for it, and it had been quite memorable. Though he'd had to conduct some research later to discover how point A led to point B. What confused him was the _why_. Why _him_?

He wasn't mad of course. He wasn't angry or unhappy at all. Terrified, worried, and unsure, but not unhappy. He couldn't be, not when he remembered how Alana's face had glowed when she told him. She'd been positively radiant, and so excited. Seaspray couldn't understand though why _he_ was going to be a father: why she'd chosen _him_ instead of one of her own kind, why he felt such strong feelings for _her_, why they'd wanted to do what they had done, why they loved each other enough to think that despite the differences and the distance between them this might work. _I'm going to be a father_, he told himself again, _and I'm the only one._

That was the real problem. It wasn't the fact that Alana was going to have a baby that Seaspray couldn't understand. Seaspray just couldn't see himself as a father. He was an Autobot. He didn't know any Autobots who were fathers. He hardly knew any fathers of any species at all. _Maybe I should talk to Sparkplug? _Seaspray pondered, he didn't actually know the human very well at all, but he knew the man was a father, and the man had most likely _had_ a father too, so he probably knew all about fathers and what they were expected to do.

The Autobot rested his face plates in his hands, forcing himself not to look up at the stars. He missed Alana. He always missed Alana, but he really needed her right now. Just being around her made him feel better, less unsure, less…awkward, and he knew that she would tell him that he could do this, tell him that he would make a great father, whatever it was that fathers did. Seaspray kicked the ground nervously. He hoped that she was doing alright. She'd told him that she was fine, that he didn't have anything to worry about, but his research hadn't really put him at ease. He was glad that she had her family, her brother and sister and friends, to help her. Alana didn't hide their relationship from her people, who had welcomed Seaspray as if he were one of them. He admired her bravery, but didn't think that the Autobots would be able to understand as her people had.

_I should still tell Optimus Prime though. This isn't something that I can keep from him. _Seaspray reminded himself. _Even if he doesn't understand, I have to let him know what's going on. But will they think less of me?_ Seaspray really didn't know what the other Autobots would think of his relationship with an organic alien, especially how far he'd let the relationship go. The only one who really had any inkling of the depth of Seaspray's relationship was Cosmos who was too eager for company and to be needed to be judgmental. _What if they think it's wrong?_ He wondered, _What if Prime thinks it's wrong?_

Seaspray clenched his strong metal hands into fists and stood up, on the verge of finally continuing to headquarters. _You have to tell him,_ he thought decisively. _You have to tell him for the baby._

_The baby._

Seaspray sat down on the log again, heavily, staring straight ahead like a creature stunned and lost.

_I'm going to be a father..._ he thought to himself.


	2. Falling Star

Seaspray had been online for more than six million years. His entire life had been punctuated by battles, defeats, and the deaths of comrades. But today was easily the worst day of his life. Not for what had happened, which was pretty bad in itself, but for how it made him feel: alone, angry, and helpless.

The day had actually started out pretty good. He'd come in from a long patrol of the Pacific last night, washed up, caught up with Bumblebee while in line for the recharging chamber, and prepared for his briefing with Optimus Prime. If he'd been a little on edge it was only because he'd decided while out on patrol that _this_ was the briefing where he would finally tell Optimus Prime his news, the news that he'd been keeping bottled up for three weeks. Seaspray was relieved that he was finally going to drop that anchor. He'd already waited way too long to tell Prime, but that was only because he hadn't known how to explain his situation to the Autobot leader. It had finally come to him while he was rounding the Galapagos Islands the day before though. He had it all planned out now. He would finish his report, which was almost always the same, 'No Decepticon activity to report sir!' then he would just come right out and say it, with a big smile on his face, metaphorically speaking of course. 'Sir,' he'd say, 'I'm going to need some extra leave time soon, because I'm going to be a father.'

As relieved as Seaspray had been to be finally about to unload his news, he was even more relieved when he was informed that some pressing business had come up and Optimus would have to cancel the scheduled briefing. The Naval Tactician had the rest of the day off, and he planned on using it to figure out the rest of his eventual conversation with Prime, like what he might say when Prime asked him questions, which Seaspray had suddenly realized would probably be pretty likely. It was looking like it was going to be a good day.

Then Blaster had informed him that he'd received a message. From Tlal. That wasn't too unusual in itself. Seaspray was the Autobots' unofficial ambassador to the primitive planet. He often received and relayed messages: requests for assistance, orders of supplies, a notice that a shipment of Energon was ready. The messages weren't encoded, anyone accessing Teletraan 1 could see them, but Seaspray always saw to the business himself. The Tlalakans' were his responsiblility.

Seaspray had rushed to a terminal and quickly logged on to the system. Alana always sent the messages, and even if it was just a plain request for more agricultural supplies it was communication. From Alana.

He opened the message. It _was_ from Alana.

**Seaspray. Precious cargo has been lost. Getting by. No action is necessary. Toci sends her regards. Alana.**

The message confused Seaspray at first. The Tlalakans weren't sending or expecting any cargo. He reread it. Carefully. Examining each word. Then the wave of understanding crashed into him. _Precious cargo has been lost._ Seaspray stared at the computer screen, willing the letters to reassemble themselves into different words. _Alana._ Alana had lost the baby.

He reread the message again, searching for some indication that he was wrong. Then he read it a fourth time almost without realizing it, while each sentence sunk in deeply, like a wreck sinking to the ocean's floor. _Toci sends her regards._ Toci was the Tlalakans' healer, their doctor, sending her regards was probably Alana's way of telling Seaspray that she was okay, medically speaking. Or perhaps the wise old healer woman was expressing her sympathies.

_Alana._ _Getting by. No action is necessary._ Seaspray logged out of the terminal and wandered vaguely toward the exit. Slowly at first, but he sped up when he caught sight of Bumblebee and Bluestreak coming in from a drive. He didn't want their company. They wouldn't understand, even if he told them. If he couldn't be with Alana right now, he just wanted to be alone. The other two Autobots didn't stop Seaspray as he hurried out of Headquarters.

It was oppressively beautiful out. The green, growing, living pine trees pointed upwards to the cloudless blue sky drawing the eye higher and higher to meet the round radiant star that warmed the earth. The little yellow minibot wandered on foot down the road. Technically he could covert to his vehicle mode which had simple wheels for limited land use, but he hated the feel of the pavement under his tires, and he didn't want to be any closer to the blasted planet he was stuck on than absolutely necessary. _No action is necessary. _He arbitrarily veered off the road and started making his way through the woods, ignoring the thin sappy branches as they slapped at him, he pushed on up the hill. Precious cargo has been lost, the message had said. He stopped. _Precious cargo. _Seaspray sat down heavily on the forest floor, his huge blue feet making deep divots in the red chalky dirt. He poked at the sticks around him idly, feeling the dry dead wood snap under his cold metal fingers.

He was angry, he slowly realized, about as angry as he had ever felt. He was angry and confused and sad, and a hundred light years away from Alana. _Alana,_ the image in his processor of her shining face as she had told him the news was taunting him. He'd treasured that image the past three weeks, let it guide him whenever he was feeling ambivalent about his impending fatherhood. Now he had to fight the urge to erase the picture from his data banks. _She'd been so excited. And now…she's lost the baby, and I'm a hundred light years away. _That's what was making him so mad. He knew that he should be there right now, on Tlal, with her. They should be dealing with this together, not on entirely separate planets. He should be there to hold her, to comfort her. He should at least be able to tell her he loved her. To tell her that he was sorry.

_I should be there!_ Seaspray punched the ground at his side, sending up a small cloud of dust and gravel. He let that hand rest in the crater it had created, and buried his faceplates in his other. _Alana I'm sorry…I should be there…_Getting by her message had said. Getting by with help from Toci, and her brother and her family, but _he_ should be helping her get by right now. He needed to help her get by now, he needed to do something for her.

He needed her. He felt so confused. Seaspray had only begun to get used to the idea of being a father. Now he didn't know what he was feeling, other than shame at not being there when Alana needed him. He was over six million years old, but he'd never felt anything like this. He was a robot, he could uproot trees without straining a cylinder, but he'd never felt more helpless. _I should be there._

A sudden flash of grim inspiration, and Seaspray lowered his hand from his face. Already his idea had turned to steely resolve in his mind. Alana needed him. Seaspray needed leave to go and permission to take Cosmos. And if telling Optimus Prime everything, from the beginning, would get him both he really didn't care _what_ his Commander thought of him. The Naval Tactician stood up, brushed himself off, and started making his way back down the hill. When he got to the road he transformed into his vehicle mode, ignoring the gritty feeling of the hard ground under his wheels. He needed to get back to Headquarters fast. He had news he needed to tell Optimus Prime.

.......

Authors Notes: I'm sorry if this chapter upset anyone, it was not my intention. This is something I've had in mind for a long time now. Don't worry, the story ends happier than this.


	3. Getting By

Seaspray found Optimus Prime in the Control Room, going over the latest Decepticon activity with Prowl, Ironhide, and Silverbolt. Evidently something major had been uncovered because Teletraan I was displaying various topographical maps on all of its screens instead of what it usually displayed at this time of day: the popular soap opera As The Kitchen Sinks. Grapple and Blaster were still loitering nearby, perhaps hoping that Teletraan I would be free in time to catch the episode's ending. Seaspray, as impatient as he was to speak to Optimus, thought it best to wait until the commander finished up whatever he was doing. The Boss usually didn't approve of his warriors interrupting important discussions of the Decepticons for personal reasons; so the little motorboat stood near the entrance of the room, fidgeting anxiously, listening to Blaster and Grapple complain.

"All that I'm saying," The architect groused, "Is that I don't see why every time someone spots a Giant Purple Griffin, or a science project goes rampaging through a high school it requires Teletraan I to pinpoint the exact location."

"Yeah," Blaster agreed absentmindedly, not really listening as he stared longingly toward the Autobot's supercomputer. "Today's supposed to be the day that Jack finds where Sheryl hid the real will." Then he noticed Seaspray idling by the door. "Hey Spray! You get your message from Tlal all sorted out?" The communications 'Bot asked pleasantly.

Seaspray tried to ignore the stabbing sensation in his core as he stammered out an answer, hoping that his gurgling would hide the way he choked on the words. I_t's about time that this damn voice is useful for something._ "Uhh..yeah Blaster, should have it all sorted out real soon." He answered flatly, unable to summon the effort to fake an emotion, only hoping his mouth-plate and dark face hid his discomfort. "Just as soon as I talk to Prime that is."

It seemed that Prime was finished with whatever he needed Ironhide, Prowl, and Silverbolt for because the three Autobots left the Control Room from different exits, moving on with their assigned tasks. Prime stayed though, running some calculations through the powerful supercomputer. Jazz, Beachcomber, and Bumblebee entered laughing loudly and joined the group waiting for their leader to finish. The soap watchers were now discussing whether Donna knew that Sheryl had hid the will, and whether the news would finally make her leave Gordon and return to Jack.

"Hey Seaspray!" Bumblebee walked toward his friend, one of the few Autobots he stood eye to eye with. "Are you going to watch As The Kitchen Sinks with us? I didn't think you liked television." Seaspray eyed the clot of debating Autobots.

"I don't ." He snapped. "I need to talk to Optimus Prime." The yellow Volkswagen eyed his friend suspiciously. Seaspray could practically see the cogs turning in the younger 'Bot's head, and it was making him uncomfortable.

"This wouldn't be about the message we got last night from Tlal?" Bumblebee asked, "It's funny, I didn't think we were sending them any cargo."

Seaspray stared straight ahead, watching Prime doing his endless calculations. "We weren't," he muttered, silently cursing himself for letting Bumblebee in on so much of the Tlal business. The conversation was getting into uncomfortable territory, and Bumblebee already knew too much. Somehow Seaspray knew that the smart little car would be able to put all the pieces together, and Seaspray didn't want to be there when his friend figured it all out. Seaspray didn't want to be anywhere near here at all.

"How are the Tlalakans doing?" Bumblebee asked and Seaspray silently prayed that he wouldn't ask the question that came next. He didn't know how much longer he could keep his composure. Bumblebee leaned in a little, almost conspiratorially. _Don't ask the question_…Seaspray begged. "How's Alana?" the yellow scout asked.

_No action is necessary. Getting by._ Seaspray turned to face his friend and for an instant he let his guard down, letting the pain he was feeling finally rise to his eyes. "She's getting by." He managed to garble out. Before turning and rapidly walking toward the still busy Optimus Prime.

He stared at the back of the huge machine's knees, which were just at eyelevel for the Naval Tactician, before craning his head up to search for the tall Autobot's eyes. "Prime…" he began.

"I'm almost done," The Autobot commander rumbled jovially, "Then you all can watch the end of that blasted show." Seaspray paused, looking deep into the gears and wires that made up the back of the larger robot's knee joint, before moving so that Optimus could see him standing there. The Autobot commander looked down at his Naval Warrior, perplexed.

"Prime," Seaspray began again, "I need to talk to you. It's very important."

Prime finally finished his computations and stepped back from Teletraan so he could get a better look at his Autobot. "Go ahead Seaspray, I'm listening." There was a hint of an edge in his voice, like he was already displeased with whatever Seaspray was about to ask.

The motorboat shot a look at the group of Autobots across the Control Room who were eyeing Teletraan hungrily. All except for Bumblebee, who was watching the conversation taking place with concern.

"I need to talk with you alone Prime." The commander seemed almost hesitant. "Please," Seaspray was practically begging now, "It's very important."

Finally Prime nodded, "Alright Seaspray. I think the Repair Bay is empty."

The rest of the Autobots rushed toward the computer as Seaspray and Optimus Prime left. A hush descended on the room as the group watched Jack reach under the old roll-top desk and withdraw the real will from the secret compartment under Sheryl's picture. Only Bumblebee watched their commander leave with Seaspray.

…

The Repair Bay hadn't been empty. Perceptor and Wheeljack were using it to try out their matter duplicator again, but a stern look from Prime had sent the scientists packing.

When the two Autobots were sure that they were alone Prime stared down at the minibot, who looked both miserable and anxious. "Now Seaspray," he began, kindly but firmly, "What do you need to talk about?"

For an astrosecond he was at a loss, considering one last time whether or not he really wanted to tell Optimus Prime his news, but the image of Alana one hundred light-years away gave him the resolve he needed. "Sir, I need to take a leave of absence, and I need permission to take Cosmos. I'm needed on Tlal."

Optimus shook his head. "Seaspray, you're needed here. I know that you feel responsible for the Tlalakans, and if they really do need our help then I will send someone, but not you. I've already granted you leave time on Tlal three weeks ago, and you're asked for more leave this year than any other Autobot. You're needed for ocean patrol on Earth. I'm sorry." He said this with a firm finality that almost stopped Seaspray from arguing.

"Optimus," he pleaded, almost demanded, not even bothering to hide the pain in his voice now, "I have to go. The Aerialbots can cover the oceans while I'm gone. Please."

The Autobot Commander seemed generally concerned now, he stepped closer to Seaspray. "What's happened on Tlal?" he asked, "I know you and Bumblebee have friends there. Do they require medical attention? Has there been an accident?"

_An accident_, Seaspray laughed darkly inside, _this whole thing's been nothing but an accident._ The callousness of the thought infuriated him and he turned away from Prime, stiff with anger at himself. He realized that his commander had asked him a question, but Seaspray was beyond words now. He leaned against an exam table and gripped it until he felt the metal warp under his hands, almost unaware that anyone else was in the room while his processor raced. _Precious cargo lost. Toci sends her regards. How's Alana? Nothing but an accident. Getting by. Got to tell Prime. No action necessary._

_I was going to be a father._

Prime was crouched next to him, so that they were almost at eye level though the younger robot still avoided his gaze. "Seaspray," He said gently, "Tell me what happened."

Seaspray looked up, and his leader's eyes were gentle, and kind, and worried.

"I…I..was going to be..a.. a father." Seaspray managed to choke out. He felt the anchor finally drop off his chest, and the sensation was making him dizzy. The little motorboat sank to the floor so he was sitting in front of the much larger kneeling truck. "I was going to be a father." he said again out loud, but more to himself, as he for the first time realized what he had lost, and what it had meant to him. He felt stunned by sadness, unable to move or think or even remember why he was there with Optimus, or why he was sitting on the cold floor of the Repair Bay. All he felt was an empty feeling inside, a feeling of loss.

Prime sat down next to him and patted him on the back with one huge hand. To his credit he didn't ask for an explanation. If he was confused by Seaspray's confession he kept more involved questions to himself for now. "Was?" he asked gently.

Seaspray nodded, "I got the message this morning." His voice was garbled with emotion. "She…" He ended with a strangled choke.

"Precious cargo lost. Getting by. Alana." Prime said his voice low and soft. "Why didn't you tell me about this, about any of this, sooner?"

Seaspray just hung his head, "I didn't think you would understand." He mumbled, miserable.

Prime was silent. He rested his hand on the smaller robot's back, as if by doing so he might draw away some of his friend's pain. "Seaspray," He began slowly. "I admit I can only imagine what you must be feeling now, I've never lost…" he trailed off, then leaned in to catch his Autobot's eye. "But I do know what it is like to be separated from the one you love." The yellow Minibot looked up at his commander. "Especially when you're hurting." Prime finished.

"Please Optimus." Seaspray nearly whispered, "She needs me."

Optimus gave Seaspray a compassionate squeeze on the shoulder. "Not as much as you need her, little friend."

Seaspray stood up. "You're letting me go?" he asked, already feeling a small amount of relief.

Optimus nodded and stood as well, towering over the Naval Tactician. "You are granted one earth week of leave and permission to have Cosmos take you to Tlal."

"Thank you Optimus…I…" Seaspray couldn't find the words to finish.

Optimus just shook his head. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell me this before Seaspray, I might have been more understanding in the past if you had. You know you can talk to me. Any time."

Seaspray just nodded, and headed for the door, already preparing to contact Cosmos.

"Oh and Seaspray," Optimus called after, causing the little boat to turn back to look at the tall robot standing alone in the Repair Bay.

"Tell Alana that I'm very sorry for your loss." The Autobot commander added softly.

Seaspray's eyes were shining, "I will Prime." He replied "Thank you."


	4. Stung

Seaspray was busy digging through his locker of meager possessions when he heard a polite tapping behind him. He turned to see Bumblebee standing at the door to the cargo hold where most of the Autobots stored whatever personal property they'd accumulated. There was an awkward pause between the two Autobots while they waited for the other to speak first and tried to gauge their reaction. Bumblebee shifted awkwardly.

"Hey..uh Seaspray," He started, sounding way too pleasant for someone who knew that something unpleasant was going on. "I heard that you got some leave time on Tlal. Again."

Seaspray turned back to his locker. "Who told you that?" he asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

Bumblebee smiled impishly, "You just did." Seaspray knew the other 'Bot was just trying to throw some levity into the mix in hopes that whatever the problem was would rise to the top, but Seaspray only had a few minutes before Cosmos arrived to take him to Tlal. He didn't have time for Bumblebee's 'subtle' prodding. He didn't reply and instead gave his locker one more look through; even though he knew all that was in there was an assortment of spare parts, some medals awarded by the humans for saving beached whales and rescuing drowning sailors, and a framed picture of Seaspray teaching a group of elementary school students about boating safety which had been signed by the school's principal.

Bumblebee dropped his put on pleasantness and finally let his concern show. "Is everything okay Seaspray? On Tlal I mean? I know we got a message last night, but it didn't make any sense."

Seaspray sighed. He'd considered telling Bumblebee about his continuing relationship with Alana many times. He trusted him, and they shared a brotherly camaraderie. Neither of them felt half as small when the other was around. But the time had never really felt right, and now was no exception. Besides, there was always the chance that the curious younger robot would steer the conversation into uncomfortably private waters. There were just some things that Seaspray knew he couldn't bring himself to explain to Bumblebee. That was a job for Optimus, or Ratchet.

"Seaspray?" The Volkswagen asked again. Seaspray slammed his locker shut. Bumblebee obviously wasn't going to let this drop. And he did have friends on Tlal. The blasted little 'Bot had friends everywhere. But it did give him the right to know at least a piece of the truth.

"Yes, something's happened on Tlal." Seaspray snapped. "And yes, it's Alana. And yes, she's going to be okay. And no, I don't want to talk about it."

That shut Bumblebee up real quick. The little car looked hurt, and Seaspray began to regret his browbeating. There was an awkward silence, the hurt and anger that was just exchanged hanging between them.

It was the ever compassionate Bumblebee who finally brushed it away. "What were you looking for?" he asked, "Can I help?"

Seaspray looked hopelessly at his locker. "No, I don't think so." He sighed again. "It's okay, it…it wasn't really important anyway. I was just looking to see if I had…" There was a sharp chirping alarm from Seaspray's chest. The motorboat flipped open his radio panel and shut it off. "That'll be Cosmos. I should be going now."

"Yeah," Bumblebee agreed. He shuffled a bit, as if he were unsure about something. Seaspray started heading for the door to the cargo hold.

"Wait!" Bumblebee suddenly called out. The little yellow scout ran to his own locker and started rifling through his possessions. Seaspray was rather shocked at how much his friend had stashed away: baseballs, a record player, a yellow hard hat, an 'I heart New York' T-shirt, an entire collection of large plushy animals, souvenirs from adventures all over the earth and beyond. Finally he found what he was looking for.

"Here." He said, placing his gift into Seaspray's hands. "Give this to Alana for me, and tell her to get better soon."

"What is it?" Seaspray asked as he examined the object in his hands.

"I don't know." Bumblebee shrugged. "Spike gave it to me. He said he made it for his dad, but his dad didn't need it anymore."

That same stabbing feeling stung Seaspray's core as he wrapped his fingers around Bumblebee's gift. "Thank you Bumblebee." He said, genuinely touched by his friend's offering. _How did he know I was looking for something to give her? _"I'll tell her what you said."

Bumblebee smiled. "I just thought it was pretty. Maybe she'll know what it is?"

Seaspray nodded as he looked at the roundish object again, "Maybe." He agreed as he walked from the cargo hold.

….

Seaspray had expected that Cosmos would be only too eager to covey his friend to Tlal. The flying saucer had literally flown over the moon at the chance for some company for a few hours. What Seaspray hadn't expected was spilling out his entire story during their flight.

Seaspray considered Cosmos a friend, the kind of friend you could count on being completely comfortable around because you knew he thought too little of himself to bother judging you. The two had spent hours talking during the many times the flying saucer shuttled his friend from Earth to Tlal and back again. But Seaspray had always done his best to keep the conversation away from the dangerous subjects: feelings, inadequacies, the long patrols through barren regions in the darkness when all there is out there is the sound of your engine and the echoes of your loneliness.

Seaspray feared discussing those things would make Cosmos even more melancholy than usual. He didn't want to be trapped inside a cramped spacecraft while the very walls felt sorry for themselves, but in such a humble, self-deprecating way that you felt obligated to try and cheer the ceiling up. Seaspray knew what it was like, he didn't need to have a conversation with someone else about how it made him feel. They were so alike: the little spacecraft and the little hoverboat, Seaspray was just better at hiding how he felt about himself, something he wished Cosmos would learn how to do.

Cosmos had been able to tell something was wrong the second he'd picked his passenger up at headquarters, and Seaspray had prepared himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, figuring that he'd probably end up snapping at Cosmos like he had at Bumblebee and then spending the rest of the trip in silence. But the hard questions had never come. Seaspray hadn't counted on his friend's ability to disarm his usual defenses with constant, slow, seemingly harmless talk about absolutely nothing: the weather, the stars, what he'd seen when he'd hovered by some fishing boats; all the while completely surrounding him with a gentle sympathy that asked no questions. Every sentence took on a hidden meaning. Every reply came with an unspoken 'I'm sorry. I know you're hurting. I don't really know why, but it's okay.'

Finally it all came spilling out. It started with the sudden confession, 'I was going to be a father,' which interrupted a story about scaring cattle by hovering too close to the feedlot. Cosmos had listened while Seaspray told about Alana, the leave time, the nights by the sea, the Well, the way she made him feel, the way she felt about him, what love felt like, and what it made them do. Seaspray didn't hold anything back. Though he glossed over some of the more private moments, for once he didn't hide his fears, his failings. Cosmos listened patiently, only cutting in to express his congratulations or convey his sympathies. Seaspray told him about Alana's news, about how it had made him feel then, and about all the completely different ways it made him feel over the past three weeks.

And then Seaspray told Cosmos about the message. The strange feeling of loss. The even stranger feeling of anger. The pain. The conversations with Prime and Bumblebee.

"I don't know what I'm going to say to her." Seaspray confessed, hanging his head and slumping lower in the redundant pilot's chair. "I just know that she needs me now. And I need her."

Cosmos was silent; but it wasn't the awkward silence where the right words are being searched for. It was the silence of a deep sympathy that knows there are no words that will make things right. A commiseration experienced rather than expressed.

There was a low grumble from the engines, "We're just entering Tlal's atmosphere." Cosmos announced. Seaspray felt the slight lurch as the ship settled on the planet's surface. "I've landed on the beach." Cosmos said as he opened his hatch, "I hope that's okay with you."

"That's fine." Seaspray exited, and felt relief and apprehension wash over him at the sight of the Tlalakan's floating city shining pale in the half light under Tlal's bright moons. He heard Cosmos transforming behind him. Then he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Go." The stocky green robot said. "She's waiting for you."

Seaspray suddenly turned and hugged Cosmos. After he got over his surprise at the unfamiliar gesture Cosmos hugged him back.

"Thank you." Seaspray whispered in his strange gurgling voice.

"You're welcome." Cosmos replied, his accent sounding even more alien than usual.

Seaspray transformed and sped across the water, headed toward the city where Alana, and everything that mattered most to him, was waiting.

Cosmos watched him go, then transformed into his and launched up toward the stars alone.


	5. In The Dark

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This chapter, more than all others before, focuses on characters that only appear momentarily in one episode of the cartoon. So if you HAVEN'T watched Sea Change, please do so now. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing, I really appreciate all of the support.

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The little blue motorboat navigated through the black glimmering waters of the city's canals. The streets were mostly empty and dark, but the here and there the faint golden glow from a window sent rays of light across the rippling waves. Seaspray knew that during the day the city would come to life; loud, bustling, busy life, but it was very late now, and the air smelled like rain.

Seaspray arrived at the temple house where Alana and her brother, Chac, lived. He killed his motor and let himself bob in his own wake for a moment as he watched the light from the windows dance over the canal. He briefly pushed every bit of data from his processor, forgetting for an astrosecond the message he'd received, why he was here, who he'd told, and even who was waiting for him inside. He just let himself rest on the waves, losing himself in his connection to the water, letting it strengthen him for his return to reality.

The Naval Tactician transformed into his robot mode and climbed awkwardly out of the canal, shaking the water out of his gears while he walked up to the darkened house. He knocked delicately at the lintel, watching the thick curtain that obscured the doorway wave lazily in the faint nighttime breeze.

Seaspray waited for a long time while he heard someone stumbling around inside. It slowly dawned on the Autobot that in his rush to get to Tlal he'd forgotten to send a message. Alana didn't know he was coming, and this was the time of day that she did that sleeping thing. He dropped his face into his hand. _How could he have forgotten something that important? _Vaguely he decided to blame Bumblebee.

Finally there was a light on the other side of the curtain which was then pulled aside to reveal Chac's groggy, disheveled face. The Tlalakan man squinted at the robot standing outside his door.

"Seaspray?" he asked with disbelief. He rubbed a hand across his face blearily. "What are..?" He stopped his question short, rubbing his face again with a sigh, then pulled the curtain open completely, gesturing inside with his lantern. "Come in." He said, fighting back a yawn.

Seaspray had to duck and twist his body to fit his bulky shoulders and that blasted propeller frame through the door. Chac was wandering around the front room lighting lanterns and turning on their few electric lights. The flickering lamps gave the living area a warm, if dim, glow.

"Is Alana asleep?" Seaspray asked nervously, peering toward the narrow staircase in the shadowy back of the kitchen that he knew led to the sleeping rooms, "I'm sorry I didn't send a message..but I…"

"It's fine Seaspray." Chac said softly as he put some more wood into their rounded stone fireplace. The Tlalakan man bit back another yawn as he rummaged around the large table in the kitchen area near the bright little fire. "I don't think she's asleep." He poured some water from a pitcher into a small pot which he put on the now warming stones of the fireplace. "I'll go check for you." The tired young man picked up a lantern and made a move toward the staircase.

"Wait." Seaspray asked taking a few more steps into the house. Chac stopped. "How..uhh..I mean…I just wanted to know first…" Chac waited patiently while Seaspray struggled with the words. Usually Seaspray felt comfortable around Alana's brother, but now he felt rather awkward. It was hard, facing the man who had in many ways been taking on the role that Seaspray should be there to fill. It made the question that Seaspray was trying to ask even more difficult. "How…how is she doing?"

Chac walked back into the kitchen, resting the lantern on the table. He idly rearranged the various dishes and bowls, taking his time picking out his words. "She's…" He ran his fingers through his tangled hair, as if trying to comb out the lingering tiredness. "She took it hard." He finally said a hint of edge in his voice. "This was something she really wanted." He smiled sadly, "and we both know what it's like when Alana wants something." He turned and checked the pot on the fireplace. "She's trying to be strong, like she does, but I don't think she's…"

A faint wispy noise coming from the stairs silenced Chac. It was the sound of bare feet against stone. Seaspray watched as Alana descended; first her pale little feet, then her body, draped in a loose nighttime tunic, and finally her delicate angular face, framed with masses of thick, uncombed hair.. She stopped on the stairs when she saw the large robot standing in her living room.

"Seaspray?" She asked uncertainly. Seaspray walked closer to the kitchen to get a better look at her. She looked tired, and pale, and her eyes were reddened like they'd been irritated, but she didn't appear to be damaged. She stared at him like she'd seen a ghost. "Seaspray, I didn't know that…"she started, but her voice started quavering. She stopped and swallowed, closing her eyes which were starting to glass over. "I didn't know that you were coming." She continued evenly, as she finished descending the staircase. "I…do you.." She had to stop to gather herself again, but even Seaspray could tell it was harder this time, "You got my message?" She asked.

Seaspray only nodded. He didn't trust himself to speak at this point.

Chac brushed by her and took her shoulder. "I made tea." He said softly, taking her hand and squeezing it before he kissed her gently on the head. "I think I'll go back to bed."

"Thank you Chac." She gave him a pained smile. Chac waved at Seaspray as he started up the staircase.

"Good Night Seaspray." He called through a yawn.

They were alone now. Seaspray was surprised that he wasn't holding her; surprised that she wasn't rushing over to let herself be held. He stood there unsure of how to continue, confused by Alana's behavior. Well, more confused than usual anyway. She shuffled anxiously for a moment at the foot of the stairs before moving into the kitchen, putting the large table between them. She busied herself pouring some tea, taking her time measuring out different ingredients.

"Did Cosmos bring you?" She asked, staring at her hands holding onto the little cup. She picked up a small flat stick and stirred the tea, her eyes on the tiny whirlpool it made and not on the Autobot who was standing at the other side of the table.

"Uhhh yeah," Seaspray gestured vaguely, wishing he had something to do with his hands, "but he's already gone." There was silence in the dim room again, the only sound was the tapping of the little stick on the teacup. "Optimus Prime gave me a week of leave time." Seaspray continued finally.

Alana smiled wryly, still not looking up from her tea. "What did you have to tell him to get that?" She asked, lifting the cup to her lips.

"The truth." Seaspray answered softly.

Alana put her tea down and finally looked at him. "The truth?"

Seaspray nodded.

Alana turned and stared into the fireplace. Seaspray could no longer see her face. He watched the flickering light play across her light brown hair, the way the lanterns gave her skin a warm yellow glow. He didn't know what was happening, but it worried him greatly. When Alana spoke again her voice was tight, but wavering. "I never should have told you. I knew it was still early, that there was still a chance that I would…" She ended with a forced sigh. Then Seaspray noticed that Alana was shaking.

He was around the table and at her side in an instant, breaking several pots in the process. Alana buried her face in her hands as he approached, still shaking, still wrestling for control. He took her shoulders and turned her carefully to face him, terrified that something was going terribly wrong. She wouldn't look at him. Seaspray gently took her wrists and lowered her hands from her face. Tears were leaking from the corners of her red-rimmed blue eyes, and her face was twisted with a pain she was still struggling so hard to try and contain. She looked up at the confused, clumsy Autobot and drew a ragged breath. "I'm so sorry Seaspray, I never should have told you." She said again. "I'm so sorry."

Seaspray wrapped Alana in his massive blue arms, holding the shaking woman close to his chest. She allowed herself to be held, but only for a moment before pushing him away.

"No." she cried, turning away from Seaspray again. She took a deep rough breath, as if trying to suck all of her emotions back inside. "I don't.." She hiccupped a bit, struggling to breathe evenly, "I don't want you… you to see me like this."

That hurt Seaspray worse than any Decepticon laser blast. It hurt worse than Alana's message had earlier. "Alana, please." He said, "Let me help you." He needed to help her; that was the only thing he knew anymore.

Alana shook her head, fighting back against the tears. "No." She said firmly. "I…I don't..." her voice broke again. "I don't…want you to…" She choked back a sob and couldn't continue. She moved toward the stairs, but he grabbed her arm.

"Alana." He pleaded.

She shook his hand off. "Seaspray…please..I… I just want to..to be alone." She fled up the stairs leaving Seaspray behind in the kitchen, completely at a loss.


	6. Downstairs

Seaspray stood in the kitchen alone; staring at the staircase while his chronometer ticked away the minutes. He had picked up the pieces of the pots he had broken in his rush to be by Alana's side. He had carefully checked all around to make sure that not even the tiniest shard remained for someone to step on. And now.

Now he had nothing to do, but wait. He'd half expected Chac to come back down, perhaps even kick the robot out, but either the younger brother was fast asleep again or had decided to not interfere for now. Leaving Seaspray bewildered in the dim room in the middle of the night, playing Alana's words over and over again in his processor, searching for some clue, something to guide him to what he should do next. '_I don't want you to…' To what? To help? To see? To be here at all? _Seaspray's audio detector's could pick up the faint muffled sounds from the rooms above, sounds he suspected were crying. He eyed the staircase with frustration knowing that his bulky shoulders would never be able to make it through the narrow hole in the ceiling. Besides, she said she just wanted to be left alone.

Alone. Seaspray moved to sit with his back to the wall, where he still had a clear view of the staircase. He felt that sitting was the only way to keep him from doing something impulsive, like attempting to remodel Chac and Alana's stairway. He settled to the floor very carefully, not wanting to damage anything else in the house, and stared toward the dark upstairs numbly. From the second he'd made up his mind to tell Prime, Seaspray had focused on getting here. To this place. He just knew that once he and Alana were together that everything would be okay, they would help each other through this. It had never occurred to him that Alana might not want him here. That she might not want his help. _I just made things worse._ Seaspray berated himself, _how could I have forgotten to send them a message saying I was coming?_

He locked all his joints into place, and then allowed his hydraulics to relax, settling in, determined not to move. If this was a close as he could get, then this is where he was going to stay. He tried to push the image of Alana's reddened eyes, her trembling hands, deeper into his databanks where he wouldn't be forced to return to it, but it refused to be filed away. _She doesn't want my help right now, _he had to remind himself_. I'll just wait here until she does._

A sudden thought struck him. _What if this is it? What if this is how it ends for us? _Seaspray had a vision of Alana rejecting him, and he could feel his world slipping away around him as he nearly panicked from the idea. But her haunted eyes reminded him that it wasn't all about _his_ world. He stared down at his bulky metal body, looking for something to distract him from the ache inside. Six million years and it still felt clumsy, because in six million years Seaspray had hardly changed. Six million years ago Alana's people hadn't even existed, but Seaspray had already felt awkward in his robot mode, hated his voice, and loved a good fight.

Seaspray hardly ever thought much about his past, no Autobot or Decepticon did. Oh, they were aware of what had happened in the past in general, especially when it affected their present state, but very few of them thought about their personal pasts. A robot had no need for memories to linger in his consciousness. Six million years of data was stored deep in Seaspray's memory banks, each instant recorded, filed, and put away, never coming to mind unless he had a directive to search. He had been shaped by his experiences only slightly. He'd not grown. He'd not matured. Up to six months ago, when he had first seen Alana, he'd not really changed at all in six million years. Except once.

For the first time in millennia Seaspray uploaded the memory. After all, he had the time, and it would at least distract him from the image that was lingering in his processor of Alana crying upstairs where he couldn't get and wasn't wanted.

Seaspray had been brought online just as the Third Cybertronian War was taking a turn for the worse. The Decepticons were overwhelming the Autobots throughout much of the planet, and in many places had forced them underground, into the very bowels of Cybertron. Someone, Seaspray realized he didn't know who, had pointed out that it would be useful to the Autobots if they had a small, quick, scout that could navigate the planet's maze of sewers; the series of fetid, dark pipes where used oil, coolant, and acid rain collected and flowed to processing stations. A maintenance boat had been selected and rebuilt, rather hastily, and programmed with a cybernetic personality by the supercomputer Vector Sigma. Seaspray had spent the first million years of his life speeding through the filth of Cybertron in complete darkness, confined to going only backwards or forwards through the narrow rivers of greasy sludge.

It was when he was sent to assist in the set up of a refugee colony on an uninhabited world for Autobots unsuitable for battle that he first saw the ocean, for Seaspray considered all oceans to be one. It was like nothing he'd experienced on Cybertron, a vast expanse of blue waves stretching to touch the horizon line; as far as the sensor could detect, and as deep as a robot could dive, teeming with aquatic creatures of all shapes and sizes. Clean water, limitless freedom in all directions, adventure, mystery, organic life, deep sea, open sky, it was everything he'd never known he was missing. Everything he could have dreamed of. Seaspray remembered the rush, the charge that had surged through his systems when he'd first sped over those powerful, pristine waves; flying across the open plain of blue; graceful and free and bathed in sunlight of an alien world, feeling for the first time completely at home with himself and the universe. In that moment he was transformed. The ocean made him bold. For the first time in his life he felt pride; pride that he alone, out of all Autobots, was master of this wondrous element.

When he'd returned to the sewers of Cybertron he'd taken the memory with him. He let the knowledge that somewhere, on some planet, the ocean was waiting, give him hope for the future. Remembering how it felt kept him going through the long millennia patrolling and fighting in the dark. But after he'd left Cybertron, like many did after Prime and Megatron and their crews disappeared, he'd always managed to find a planet that had the ocean. So, he had let the precious memory of his first ocean voyage slip into storage. He no longer needed it.

Seaspray looked at the shadows falling across the stairs, wondering if there would ever be a time when this would slip into storage. If there would be a time when he would forget all of this, forget Tlal like he'd forgotten his first taste of the ocean, forget Chac, and Alana, and the baby. All the pain, all the love, everything he had thought he cared about now, turned into a series of ones and zeroes and locked away.

_No._ He thought firmly, with a passion that surprised himself. _I will not let it._ Looking back on his entire six million years for the first time he realized how empty they seemed. Sure there had been war, and death, and battle, and friendship and laughter, there'd been good times that he wished he'd tried harder to hold on to. But there hadn't been love, not love like this. There hadn't been Alana.

Seaspray braced his back against the wall. He was still hurting deep inside, and the fear that he was losing Alana was threatening to overwhelm him, but the Autobot was resolved. He wasn't giving this up without a fight. And even if Alana rejected him, even if this was how it ended, sitting in a dim room feeling helpless and alone, he swore that he would never, _ever_, let himself forget her, and what it had been like, being in love.

There was a flicker of light at the top of the stairs, and Seaspray's joints unlocked automatically. His hopes sank though when he realized that it was Chac coming down. The young man stopped halfway and peered into the kitchen. He seemed startled when the robot in his living room shifted. "Seaspray," he hissed, "What are you doing down here?"

The robot shrugged, preparing himself to be kicked out of the house, "I don't fit up the stairs." He answered dryly. _If I get kicked out of the house, I'm going to park myself in the street_, the Autobot had decided. Chac examined his staircase, then eyed his sister's friend.

"That's never stopped you before." He reminded Seaspray. The Tlalakan frowned, "What's wrong? Why aren't you with Alana?" he asked in a low voice as he finished his way down the stairs, quietly talking a seat next to the motorboat.

Seaspray looked away, rubbing one metal arm with a blue oversized hand. "She…She said she wanted to be alone."

Chac let his head knock against the wall in frustration, "Blast it, Alana!" he muttered to himself. He inhaled deeply before turning to the bewildered robot. "Seaspray you have to go to her."

"But.."

Chac took a hold of Seaspray's shoulder, and Seaspray noticed that the pain in the Tlalakan man's eyes matched his own. "Seaspray, listen to me. I know what she said, and you have to go to her. She needs _you_ now. The _last_ thing she needs is to be alone." Seaspray hesitated and Chac continued gently, but gripping the Autobot's shoulder tightly and watching him with his blue, intense eyes.

"Please Seaspray. You have to understand. Our people, Alana, we had been enslaved for so long; and slavery changes you. You train yourself not to show pain, not to stand out from the crowd. You put on a brave face for your friends and family, do everything you can to build up your defenses, because if you falter, if you become a burden, you can take them all down with you." Chac shook his head sadly, "Alana is brave, much braver than I ever was, but now is not the time for her to be brave. She has to grieve and she needs to grieve with you, but she won't let herself."

Seaspray felt a little ashamed. There was so much about Alana that he didn't know yet, but he couldn't help feeling that he should have been able to figure this out. "I hadn't realized." He murmured. "I'm sorry."

Chac dropped his arm and stared at the ceiling, "I love my sister, very much," he said, "and my sister loves you Seaspray, more than she thinks you can understand." He looked at the machine sitting next to him, "But I think you do understand, or you wouldn't be sitting here in the dark with me."

There was a pause while they both considered this. A man and a machine, sitting on the floor in the dim room in the middle of the night on account of the woman they both knew the other would die to protect. It was a moment of solidarity between the two males that startled them both. "I love her." Seaspray burbled out.

The Tlalakan clapped the Autobot on the back, "If I had ever thought otherwise, Seaspray, I wouldn't have let you stay. Now," he said, gesturing to the dark hole at the top of the stairs, "I think we both know what he easiest way up the stairs is. I'll stay here until you get back."

Seaspray nodded to Chac. And after removing Bumblebee's gift from his chassis the motorboat left the house in a hurry.


	7. Understanding

"I think I'll go fishing." Chac said as he hoisted a large net over his shoulder, and headed for the door, passing the man who had just entered. "It's always best to go out early when the fish are still feeding close to the surface. I'll probably be gone most of the morning." The Tlalakan fisherman opened the curtain a crack and peered into the early morning haze.

He gave the blond muscular man who was already inching toward the staircase a second look. "Make that most of the day. Make yourself at home, Seaspray."

Seaspray smiled and scratched at his thick golden hair. "Thanks Chac." He gargled, his ridiculous voice still the same despite his human body.

"Just remember, Seaspray, she wants you with her now. Even if she says she doesn't." Then with a nod and a knowing wink the other man left the house.

Seaspray crept up the stairs as quietly as his blocky metal feet would allow him. Try as he may he had never been able to manage give his human body anything other than big bulky robot feet. _Some part of me just has to stay clumsy. _He had decided.Alana found it endearing, but Seaspray just found it annoying. He reminded himself that he did need to breathe as he made his way down the little hall to Alana's doorway, and as he pushed the curtain aside he exhaled loudly, much louder than he'd meant to.

Alana was lying on her side on her bed mat, blankets curled around her legs, facing the open window where the dull grey morning gave the small room it's only light. Seaspray didn't know if she was asleep or not. He didn't want to disturb her if she was. But he did want to be close to her, so he made his way slowly to the mat, careful to pick up each foot and put it down gently, and sat down next her bed on the floor.

From his position he could watch the slow rise and fall of her chest. Her hair was spilled out across the pillow in thick tangled locks, and a strand was caught between her arm and her side pinning one of her long delicate ears closer to her head. _They're always so peaceful when they sleep. _Seaspray thought. He had a hard time sleeping himself when he was in a human body. It was something he had to be tricked into doing. But he'd happily spent hours watching Alana resting before, wondering what she was dreaming about. Seaspray had only dreamed once, and the only thing he could remember about it was that Alana was in it, and so was Huffer, and a pod of dolphins.

The blue-footed man nearly jumped out of his soft pink skin when the woman he thought was sleeping suddenly sighed loudly.

"Chac, I told you. Please. Leave me alone." She growled blearily. Her body becoming stiff as she curled in on herself.

"Uhhh Alana." He stammered. She rolled over to look at him.

"Seaspray?" She pulled herself up into a half sitting position, and leaned her head against the wall behind her. She gave a half-smile and peered sideways out the window. "I thought you were Chac."

The man smiled sheepishly and tapped his kneecaps with his fingertips. "Nope, not Chac. Just Seaspray at your service." He forced another smile. _She's not mad at me, yet._ He realized with relief. Alana watched the last few stars begin to fade in a sky that was beginning to turn rosy. He scooted closer to her, and put his hand on her arm.

It had shocked him at first, how skin felt against skin. Though his armor plating registered heat and pressure over every inch of his robot body, it was unyielding. It didn't mold to whatever was touched, bending around it. It didn't stretch. Seaspray held her arm gently, feeling the way her warm flesh molded around his hand. He ran his thumb over her wrist, and he could faintly detect her pulse.

"Alana," he started softly, "I'm very sorry that I wasn't here," he stared into her bright, sea-blue eyes, "when you lost the baby."

Alana bit her lower lip and nodded, looking away from the man next to her. "I know you are Seaspray." She replied her voice quavering again. "It's all right."

The blond man shook his head moved closer, taking both of Alana's hands in his own. "No Alana, it's not." He tried to catch her eye again, "But it _is_ okay. Things don't have to be all right right away. Alana," he took her chin and turned her head to face him, "It's okay. It's okay to hurt."

She nodded again, her eyes brimming, but she was still fighting it. Seaspray dropped her hands and wrapped his arms loosely around his knees. "I'm hurting too." He added softly. Alana moved closer to him, and put one arm across his strong back, and rested her head on his shoulder. He could feel warm wet tears dropping onto his arm, sliding slowly down his skin because he didn't want to wipe them away.

"Seaspray," she choked, "Earlier, I didn't mean to push you away. I just," she sighed and traced a shoulder blade with her finger, letting a few more tears slide down his back, "I'm sorry that I hurt you." She rested her cheek against his back and wrapped both arms around his shoulders.

Seaspray turned so he was facing her. He took her face in his hands and wiped away some more teardrops with his thumbs. "You didn't hurt me Alana" he said.

She shook his hands away, "I did. I never should have put you through this. It…it's… unfair to expect you to understand." She was sobbing now with anger at herself. "It was so…. selfish of me, I'm sorry Seaspray. We never… should have..."

Strong arms encircled her, and this time she let them. Seaspray let Alana sob on his shoulder until it was sticky with tears as she clung to him, crying unashamed. The Autobot felt his heart turn, and a strange tightness in his throat as he tried to guide his mind to the right words.

"No, Alana, I do understand." His words were becoming more garbled and his eyes were starting to itch, "That's why I'm hurting, because I understand."

The Tlalakan woman looked up at him, and noticed his shining eyes. She reached up and he closed his eyes. She kissed a closed eyelid, feeling a tear drop slide down his cheek and onto her chin. He held the sides of her face, their foreheads touching, letting his hands slide back over her long ears and then down the back of her neck.

His voice so choked with emotion that it was barely intelligible, Seaspray buried his face into Alana's shoulder and whispered. "I was going to be a father." He felt hot tears on her neck, and realized that they were his own. Alana ran her hand over his head, and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"You do understand…" She murmured, sounding a little surprised. Seaspray only nodded into her damp neck as she smoothed his blond hair against his head soothingly.

They lay down on the bed together, and Seaspray wrapped his arms protectively around Alana who nestled up next to him. He pressed his lips to her forehead and she drew lazy circles across his chest. They both let the tears leak out as they would, not fighting them at all anymore. Content to hold each other close peacefully. Listening to the other breathe, kissing away the other's tears, until they slipped into a deep and dreamless sleep in each other's arms.


	8. Honeymoon

"Seaspray," the voice called sweetly but firmly, "It's time to get up."

The pile of blankets shifted slightly, but only because their occupant was burrowing further in. Seaspray felt a delicate foot jab him gently in the spine and he smiled sleepily under the covers.

"Cosmos will be here by late morning." Alana said standing above the half-sleeping Autobot and Seaspray knew from the tone of her voice that she had her hands on her hips. She kicked the man under the covers in the back again, "Get up."

"One more week," he burbled drowsily pulling the sheets tighter over his head.

Alana sighed and flopped onto the bed mat next to him. Seaspray felt her hand on his shoulder, her body resting across his back as she leaned in close to his head and whispered through the blanket. "Seaspraaaay," she lilted teasingly, "If you don't get up you're going to be absent without leave." He felt the blankets being pulled from his face, and he looked up into Alana's beautiful sea-blue eyes. Going AWOL had never sounded so tempting. A week was too short, he decided. He needed at least a hundred years.

"Get up," she commanded with a smile. Seaspray gave a lazy salute.

"Yes, sir." He mumbled, before pulling the covers back over his head.

Alana sighed helplessly and lay down next to him, resting her arm across his blanketed chest. He felt her forehead on his shoulder, her warm breath on the sheets covering his arm. Seaspray rolled over so they were facing each other, uncovering his head in the process. Wrapping one strong arm around her he planted a sleepy kiss on her cheek where traces of the red bridal paint from the night before still remained. He could smell the smoke from the torches and the sweet aroma of incense lingering in her soft brown hair.

"You need to get up." She reminded him as he kissed her cheek again. "We still have to get you changed back."

"Five thousand more astroseconds…" he garbled again, sluggishly combing his fingers through her thick, tangled hair, pulling out a stray red feather that had fallen from her headdress sometime last night. Alana rolled her eyes, but made no further efforts to get up, letting the both of them remain as they were for a few more minutes. Seaspray felt her heart beating against his chest and he forced his heavy eyes to remain open so he could memorize the way the light from window shining through the curtain made a golden checkerboard pattern across her skin.

There was a knock on the lintel outside Alana's room. "Breakfast is ready." Chac called from behind the curtain.

Seaspray sighed, finally resigning himself to the fact that their week was over. He tickled Alana on the nose with the red feather, and started wearily climbing out of bed. Stretching, he walked over to the window, his blue metal feet clicking against the stone floor with every step. He pulled aside the curtain, filling the room with the bright sunlight. Already the sounds of the city's bustling filled the tangy sea air. The Autobot took a deep breath, knowing that he soon wouldn't be able to, and turned to the Tlalakan woman lying on the bed mat watching him.

She smiled stunningly, despite her tangled hair and half-worn off paint. "I love you, you know," she said.

Seaspray grinned. He never got tired of hearing it. "Robot-feet, stupid voice, and all?" He bubbled, lifting one heavy metal foot out to her. Alana rolled off the bed mat, and walked over to him.

"Now Seaspray," she began, wagging one finger at him before dragging it down his chest playfully, finally snagging it in his belt and pulling him closer. "Especially your stupid voice." She whispered right next to his lips, before kissing him.

Seaspray beamed. It had taken him a while to get the hang of this kissing thing. He thought it was probably especially hard for him to learn since he usually didn't have a mouth. But now that he'd gotten used to it, he found he quite enjoyed it.

He wrapped his arm around her waist as they watched the city come to life through the window. Alana rested her head on his shoulder like she had so many times over the past week, and as they watched the families scurrying to and fro taking their children to the city's nursery for the day for an instant Seaspray saw a shadow of the sadness that lingered. There was still pain there. Seaspray supposed that there always would be, for the _both_ of them; but like all organic things do on their own Alana was beginning to heal.

Seaspray had needed his own repairs. So many times over the course of the week Optimus' words had replayed in his processor: 'not as much as you need her.' While he had _helped_ Alana heal, he got the sense that he wouldn't have been able to fix himself up without her. Autobots it seemed couldn't even repair their own hearts. He wondered how Optimus had known. All he knew was that if he couldn't have gotten through _this_ without her. He had decided early on this week that he never wanted to have to get through anything completely alone again.

"I love you too Alana." He murmured and squeezed her shoulders.

"It's getting _cold_!" Chac yelled from downstairs. Seaspray rolled his eyes.

"What does he think I'm going to do with breakfast?"

Alana smiled, "I think he expects you to eat it."

The Autobot-turned-human made a face, "Dead fish and plant roots heated up? And he expects me to put it in my mouth and let it slide down my pipes and into my fuel tank?"

"You ate last night during the ceremony," the Tlalakan woman reminded him.

"Because I _had_ to." Seaspray replied, "and I had a lot to distract me from how disgusting it was." Alana laughed. "You were beautiful last night." He added.

There was a shout from someone on the street. One of Alana's friends had seen the couple standing in the window and was now waving up at them.

"Congratulations!" The young Tlalakan woman called up to Alana and Seaspray. The Autobot smiled bashfully, but Alana waved back.

"Thank you." She shouted down.

"Vector Sigma," Seaspray muttered through his grin, "Does everyone in the city know?"

Alana squeezed his hand, "_You_ were in the house. You didn't see the parade of people following while my sister carried me there." she sighed, "I think Toci told everyone she could find."

As Seaspray felt Alana's warm fingers enlace with his the words the old woman had spoken downstairs last night echoed in his mind. 'This is the sunset of the old way.' Toci had said as Seaspray and Alana had knelt on the mat together. 'Like night meeting day you have come to the dawn of a new life together. Your chase is finally over, children, for you have found the one that makes your soul complete. As you move toward each other: with strength, with bravery, with hope, and with love, as one whole person at last, fear not to taste the future.'

The words still repeating in his mind, Seaspray suddenly pulled Alana into his arms and kissed her at the window, not even considering if there was anyone in the street watching them.

Alana blinked, stunned. "What was that for?" She asked coyly.

"I.."he started.

"I said it's getting COLD." Chac shouted from downstairs, louder this time.

Seaspray sighed as they headed toward the doorway together.

"I'm not gonna eat it."


	9. Fond Farewells

Seaspray and Alana sat for a long time by the sea, staring out across it. Cosmos was late but they weren't complaining. They had spent their time taking turns trying to skip Bumblebee's gift as many times as possible across the choppy blue waves, then taking a swim together searching for it. It had a shiny surface and was a bright reddish color inside, making it not too difficult to find each time. After Alana had gotten tired though they stopped and let the sun dry them on the sand.

"What do you think it is?" the blue motorboat asked as he twirled the shallow dish-like gift between his blue metal fingers. Alana took it from his hand to examine it more closely, the water dripping from her hair pooling in the concave side as she leaned over it.

"I would say it's some kind of bowl." She answered, "It's made of clay. But it's not very big. You said Bumblebee's human friend made it for his father?"

Seaspray nodded, "Bumblebee said that Sparkplug didn't need it anymore. What do you think the three grooves in the edge are for?"

Alana shrugged, it didn't look like anything she'd ever seen before. "It looks like the middle has been burned by something." She pointed out as she examined the lopsided red ashtray. "Still, it was very sweet of him. Tell him that I love it."

Seaspray's delicate audio sensors picked up a low hum from the atmosphere, and he tried to fight away the sinking feeling in his core. Alana pointed out the tiny speck that was Cosmos as the flying saucer swiftly descended through the clouds. "Looks like your ride is here." she said too brightly. Seaspray rested his hand on her shoulder. In his robot body it nearly covered her slender back.

"I'll send you a message as soon as we get to headquarters." he said. "And I'll probably be back to pick up the next energon shipment in a month or two." She nodded and gave a sweet, if a little forced smile. And because Seaspray had learned that saying things first made it easier for her, he added, "I'll miss you Alana."

She took his hand as they stood up together, her smile becoming genuine, "You'd better." She quipped as she gripped it tightly. "I'll miss you too, Seaspray."

Cosmos landed far enough away that he didn't blow sand on the waiting pair. As Seaspray and Alana approached the minibot transformed. The round green robot looked, like usual, sheepish, but he was struggling to hide it. Alana smiled warmly. Seaspray had told her of his conversation with the Autobot shuttle and she was only too happy that he'd found another Autobot to confide in.

Cosmos spread his arms, "I took a detour around a few of the moons. I hope you didn't mind waiting?" Seaspray swore he could see a knowing wink flickering in the other robot's optic sensors.

Seaspray laughed, "We don't mind a bit." He burbled.

The spacecraft turned to the Tlalakan, "It's nice to see you again Alana."

The woman smiled back, "It's good to see you again too Cosmos." Then she startled the bulky robot by giving him a friendly hug and a quick peck on the side of his mouth-plate.

"What was that for?" the saucer stammered.

"You'll take care of Seaspray for me?" she asked, mock-seriously.

Cosmos clapped his friend on the back with a loud clang, "Oh, I promise." He replied. Then he transformed into his shuttle mode, and opened the hatch. "All aboard." He called with a hint of reluctance.

Seaspray and Alana embraced. She holding onto his plating as tight as she could. He restraining his great strength so he wouldn't crush the delicate organic creature. She raised herself up on the balls of her feet and kissed both sides of his face plates, one kiss for each of them. "Come back soon." She whispered.

"I promise." He said softly back, and she smiled.

He moved to the hatch but let her hand linger in his, wanting to hold onto her until the last possible second. Standing in the low entrance he turned to look back one more time before the door closed.

"I love you." He called out, the confession giving him some relief from the long goodbye.

She stroked his hand as she let his arm drop. "I love you too." She replied smiling.

Then Seaspray stepped back letting the hatch slide shut, only moving to buckle himself in when the doors were completely sealed. "Taking off now." Cosmos said pleasantly as the little saucer fired his thrusters.

"You gave her time to move away?" Seaspray panicked.

"Yes." Cosmos assured. "She's waving at us. Do you want me to put it up on the monitor?" Seaspray nodded and settled in, relieved to see the rapidly shrinking figure of Alana waving enthusiastically displayed on Cosmos' computer screen. He watched until he could no longer see her, and then continued to watch as they pulled away from the planet.

Alana waved until the ship was nothing more than a tiny speck in the sky. Then she sat down on the beach and twirled the ashtray on the sand. She was a little heartsick, a little sad, but she was smiling, because she was repeating her own words to herself. She'd lost faith in them when she'd lost the baby. She'd doubted Seaspray's ability to understand. But now she was surer than ever. _We don't have to be the same outside, to share the same feelings inside. _She looked up to the sky, _We don't even have to be the same inside to share the same feelings inside._

Alana sat for a long time by the sea, staring out across it. There was no one with her, but she didn't really feel alone. Finally she stood up and pitched Bumblebee's gift across the water. The red ashtray skipped four times before sinking below the surface. Taking note of where it had disappeared Alana walked toward the wild, inviting waves, hearing the loud roar of the sea ringing in her ears. She dove into the ocean, unafraid.

"So," the flying saucer asked his passenger. "How was your leave?"

Seaspray sighed in bittersweet contentment and leaned back in the pilot's chair, "It was…"

He didn't finish, because there was no word in his entire databank to describe what the week had been. He skimmed through twice to be certain. Cosmos understood enough to realize this, and let Seaspray take his time starting up a conversation.

Finally Seaspray leaned in and laughed. "Well, I got married." He started.


	10. Epilogue

**One Year Later.**

Cosmos landed a polite distance away. He let one of his passengers disembark on the beach before flying off across the channel to the Tlalakan's brightly-lit floating city. Over the previous year the minibot had become quite good friends with Chac, who had even gone so far as to call the Autobot saucer his 'brother-in-law.' The two of them often kept each other entertained while their 'siblings' caught up, and this time Cosmos had even brought Bumblebee, who, of course, had many friends on Tlal. The blasted little scout had friends everywhere. Seaspray waved goodbye to the flying saucer before making his way down the moonlit beach.

Alana was waiting for Seaspray in her usual spot. She was sitting curled up on the sand, coy as ever, her back to him while he approached, even though they both knew that she knew he was there. To be fair, he deserved all the teasing that she would probably give him. He hadn't been able to visit the beautiful planet he called home and the beautiful woman he called his wife in a long time.

Though he had been granted his own private message box by Optimus Prime nearly a year ago, and they'd managed a few very long distance calls via Teletraan I, he hadn't been able to hold her in his arms for four months. Four _long_ months. _The longer I'm away from home the more I hate this stupid war, _he thought to himself. But he knew that until the war was over the Decepticons would be a threat to the galaxy. And as long as his family was in this galaxy he would give or do anything to protect them. As he stopped and watched Alana watching the sea, he was more certain of that than ever.

"Hello Seaspray." Alana turned her head to look over her shoulder and gave him a coy smile, "Nice to see you finally made it _home_." She stood up, her back still to him, and brushed off her knees. Then she turned around her bright sea blue eyes shining in the starlight.

Seaspray rushed forward to hold her. Then stopped dead in his tracks, staring.

"You like?" She asked playfully, resting her hand over her round, swollen abdomen, her face glowing with joy. "I wanted to tell you in _person_ Seaspray," she scolded gently, "but you just had to be gone forever didn't you?"

Seaspray walked the last few steps toward Alana in a daze. She was beaming, as she took his large blue hand and guided it to the roundest part of her belly. He felt a strange fluttering under his palm where it rested on her firm warm stomach. He stared down at it in wonder.

Alana laughed, and because there was no one else around to see she let herself shed a tear or two of happiness, just enough for the both of them. "He just started doing that today." She said, "I think he knew you were coming."

"H..he?" Seaspray bubbled, completely absorbed by the gentle kicking against his palm.

Alana nodded, "Toci's almost positive." She rested her cheek against his chest plates, "And Toci's almost always right. Three months Seaspray, and we'll be able to hold him." She traced Seaspray's Autobot insignia, with her free hand. Her other hand rested over his pressed against her abdomen. "He's never kicked this strong before." She laughed again.

"Alana." Seaspray sighed reverentially. He felt hot and cold and dizzy all at once. He thought he might fall down. He thought he might dance. He wouldn't have been the least surprised if he suddenly gained the ability to fly. Something small and wonderful inside Alana was kicking against his hand.

_I'm going to be a father._ he thought.

The End.

Author's Acknowledgments: I want to thank everyone who's read and reviewed this story over the past couple weeks. It's really meant a lot to me that there's been interest in a story of this kind, and with these characters. Please take the time to review it again, as I would love to hear what you all thought of the finished product. Let me know your favorite parts, your least favorite parts, anything.

I would also like to mention, and thank, the many friends and beta's that I relied upon for support, encouragement, and the occasional proofreading, while I was writing this story. A million hugs to Hound, Ultra Magnus, Corax, and Prime. Primus knows you've had to put up with a lot, from midnight phone calls to rushed emails. This story wouldn't have been possible without you guys. If I could give you each Peter Cullen on a silver platter, you would certainly deserve it.

Thanks again everyone. Now go forth and spread the gospel of Seaspray/Alana to the masses, for lo, they are woefully lacking in fanfiction.

~Chromia WiEGoP


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